South Pacific

I love Broadway. I just saw South Pacific last weekend in New York City, and it was wonderful. It takes place on an island during World War II, and follows around the personal affairs of a navy nurse and a lieutenant and a local man. I guess it's kind of a chick flick type musical, but I've found that they usually are. Oh man, it was just such a good show. The actors were great, the singing was awesome, and the orchestra was ridiculous. So good. I want to go back and see another!

NeverNeverLand or Bust.

I think over winter break, everything became real. I was no longer a teenage girl enjoying her last high school winter break, I became me, experiencing my last break with friends. It's me, one step closer to a completely different life. I haven't slept soundly since this epiphany. For example, last night as I laid in bed for four hours before falling asleep, I kept thinking about prom and the senior trip and college and how it's ending. My comfortable life here is ending. I will never see some of these people again, and that scares me. What if I don't fit in at college, what if I fail? I have a headache.
What if I realize I'm not a good writer, not a good speaker, not a good person? What if I can't decide who I want to be before I go? And what if I can't force myself to forget the memories that keep me awake at night? What if I'm going so far to run away, and I'm still not happy?
I just can't believe it's almost over. I can't believe that my best friend is going to be so far away. I can't believe that I'm throwing myself into a completely different atmosphere five hours away. I don't want to be forgotten. I don't want to grow up. And I don't want to face the reality that this is happening.
I'm almost thankful for these pointless next few months of high school. It's frustrating because I'm already accepted and I technically don't need these grades or these classes anymore. Like seriously, how is another semester of high school gym class going to better my education? But I am still secretly glad I have a final semester of high school gym class, because it is my last, and it means I'm still here, I haven't gone yet.
This is so stressful. I'm stressed about being stressed. I know that once I start planning and stressing about senior trip and prom, it will be here and then over. Why did it come so fast? And it's not like I'm the only one going through this, my entire senior class is anticipating transition. But I don't know if everyone is losing sleep over this. I feel like an adult.

Goodbye Old, Hello New.

It's New Years Eve.
There is snow on the ground, and the sky is a light gray color.
It's a funny thing, new years eve. People ask you how your year was, what made it good or bad. Was this the best year of your life? How can that actually be answered?
I have failed, been terrified, fallen, cried, ran away, and been broken to pieces this year. If you look at mere events, it would appear to have been the worst year of my life. However, I value every tear, every heart-breaking experience, every fight-because I have learned some defining lessons that ultimately make the difference between a little girl and an adult. It's high school, things that are really wonderful can sometimes become extremely painful. But was it worth it? Was it worth the heartache, the anxiety, the stress, to get to where we are now? Well, I'm still here, and I have a smile on my face and an excitement in my heart for the upcoming year.

Things to look forward to in 2010:
1. No longer writing the number nine on all of my papers. (my least favorite number)
2. Senior Trip
3. Prom
4. Graduating High School
5. Turning 18.
6. Establishing my new life at college.
Who knows, maybe 2010 will be the 'Best Year of My Life'.
Happy New Year, Everyone.

Bitter(not so)sweet.

I hate couples. I hate their hand-holding, hugging, smiling-i hate it all. I hate when my friends text their boyfriends, I hate it when they tell me about their awesome dates. And most of all, I hate beautiful snowy days and lovely holiday plans, because I spend them alone. I hate that things haven't gotten better with time, I hate that sometimes I want to go running back to the arms I've missed, and I hate that Christmas Eve is in two days and my closest friends will be spending it with their boyfriends, while I sit at home missing everything. I hate the mistakes I've made, and I hate that I have to blame the otherwise wonderful season and my friends' happiness for my self-inflicted bitterness.

Baby it's cold outside...

I would rather have the stomach flu than a cold. My eyes are watery, my nose is runny, i keep sneezing, and i am exhausted. Not to mention the fact that high school doesn't exactly accommodate for the sickly. For example, I brought a bunch of tissues in a ziploc bag for today, however i'm running out already and it's only second period. So I've been using school tissues some periods and my puffs other periods. The only problem is that right about now my nose feels like it's on fire. School tissues are basically thin sheets of paper. They hurt! And plus, every ten minutes I'm sneezing, which just grosses me out in itself, and means I must go get more razor tissues. I hate the cold! At least the stomach flu means you can stay home from school because people don't want to be throwing up. But you don't get much sympathy for having the common cold-which is ten times worse in my opinion.
I just feel like screaming send me home! I'm going to infect the school with my cold, so send me home! But I can't go home because if I stay home from school, I have to call out of work, and I can't call out of work unless I'm dying.
And to add to the annoyance, I have my nose pierced. Imagine blowing your nose fifteen times a class period, with a piece of metal inside your nose.

Gluten-Free.

I'm allergic to gluten. This means that I cannot eat anything with flour, wheat, or barley in it. So no bread, pizza, pasta, cake, cookies, pretzels, and thickened soups, among other things. If I do eat something with flour in it, I get really sick for a few hours, and I'll see double of everything and get a terrible headache and really dizzy. I get flourdrunk. I love telling people this because the responses are hysterical. Most of the time I just get widened eyes, followed by 'then what do you eat?!', but the best responses are the questions.
Question of the day: Can you still eat french fries?!
Yes, friend, I can eat fried potatoes.

Hannukah, Chanukkah, Hanukka, Chanuka...

So I'm really excited because this weekend I will be celebrating Hannukah with a friend from school and her family. I've always been interested in different celebrations and holidays, but i've never taken part in any other than my own; Christian holidays. I think it'll be really cool to observe the different traditions and the games and foods and such. And really, I have very little knowledge on Jewish culture and Hannukah. All I know is there is a menorah and a dreidel and you win chocolate money. So it'll be really cool to see legit aspects of this holiday. I'll keep ya updated.