The Book Theif Monster

Something or someone is eating my books. Every time I look into my school bag, another book is missing. So far I'm missing my spanish notebook, my vocab book, a novel from home, and a novel from the library. I've checked my house and my locker and my classrooms. I've also checked my car. Where else could they be? I've come to the conclusion that there is a book theif monster in my backpack eating my books.

“It’s nights like this when the sky is on fire that give me hope that there is something more than this world, more than this suffocating pain. There is beauty somewhere.”

My Life is Average

So I've recently become introduced to mylifeisaverage.com, which might be my new favorite website. Not only is it more interesting than facebook, it can be accessed at school without getting written up. The downside: laughing out loud in class when everyone else is silently listening to the teacher.

Thanks Be To Existence

I am thankful for life. For something that I don't deserve in any form, I abuse and neglect the gift. I take for granted the breath in my lungs and love in my heart.
So thank you, life, for not leaving me just yet.

Things Change.

Thank you.

Yet Another Anxiety-Fueled Rant.

It's sad, how some things get less exciting as you get older. For example, going to a concert and meeting the band used to be the highlight of my week, but now it's just cool. Like, I really enjoy meeting the bands that I meet, but it's more like meeting any ordinary person. These people are just people, they don't hold the same special magic that they used to when I was young. Yet another example of my distaste towards change.
Things like going to high school football games and the movies and out to dinner used to be so special. What happened? I'm the kind of person who gets excited over little things, but even bigger things have lost their luster to me. Why have I changed? I don't recall giving myself permission to grow up. To change. I wish sometimes that I was still that little girl sitting in the car on the way to the skating rink, radiating excitement. I remember being a freshman and seeing my sister, a senior, and just soaking in how cool i thought she was. I was so excited to be a senior. But now that I am, I wish I had more time. I wish I wasn't being rushed to make up my mind about my life. I wish I was still excited about being a senior.
The problem is I get my hopes up. I put great things like being a senior and prom and having a boyfriend on pedestals, and then I realize they weren't the magical wonderful thing I had expected. I remember being so excited to start driving, and once I got around to getting my license I was just glad to have a way of getting to work. It's just weird to think about.
I was walking in the hallway with my friend Becca yesterday, and it kind of just hit me. We're seniors. This is it. There is no more high school after this, and I might never see Becca or most of the other people in my class again. It's just weird. We all have to move on, whether we're ready or not. I think I'll be ready. It's scary now, but I've still got seven months to get over it.

The Twilight Epidemic

New Moon. I am so freaking excited. Six days. I realize that a good portion of the world has an unnecessary hatred for the Twilight saga, but I don't care. I'm going to blog about my adoration towards the series. Edward Cullen, in particular.
I have this problem with Twilight. I tend to lock myself in a room for weeks reading the books. I don't talk to anyone, I barely leave my room. I just cut myself off from reality because the world I'm living inside of the book is so refreshing and exciting and just awesome. I think it's funny to observe the extreme followers and haters of the phenomenon. For example, you have some psycho girls that actually believe the actors are vampires and ask the actors to bite them, and then you have the angry boys that burst all the bubbles for the girls by saying it's not real. I think they're just jealous. I read something on fmylife.com probably around six months ago, written by a boy. It said something like 'my girlfriend dumped me because she said she wanted someone more like Edward Cullen. I was just dumped for a fictional vampire. FML'
it's a problem. Girls read these books and see these movies and expect to find guys in the real world like Edward Cullen. I'm not trying to be a hypocrite, I totally admit that I am one of these girls. I'm just stating the fact that the world is going crazy.
My sister likes to remind me of the madness. She's witnessed the weeks I spent hauled up with books and water in my room, living the fantasy. I remember her coming into my room to remind me to talk to my friends so that they knew I was still alive. I realize that there are some parts of the movie that are not very well-acted, but I blame Kristen Stewart because I think she's a terrible actress. Maybe I'm just jealous because I hate Bella because I want to be her.
And to all of you that say you hate Twilight and New Moon and such, why don't you read the book and watch the movie first. A good majority of the anti-twilight people are boys that have not read the books or seen the movie. So cool it and watch, then give me your opinion.
Who would have thought that this generation's heart throb is a vampire?

TWLOHA Day

To Write Love on Her Arms Day. It annoys me that so many kids participate at my school by wearing their twloha shirts and writing love on their forearms, but very few can explain what twloha is. Is that not the entire point?! To Write Love on Her Arms is an organization to raise awareness and spread love to the world, especially the people who are hurting. So out of the maybe twenty people I asked, only five knew why they had permanent marker on their arms. Ridiculous.
And how many are actually fulfilling the goal of twloha? How many are reaching out to the people suffering from self-infliction and depression and eating disorders? How many are showing love to the people with razor marks on their arms? I mean, we go to a public high school. I know at least a handful of people who cut themselves, and another handful that have eating disorders. We all see it everyday, and many of us don't do anything about it. So when a day like To Write Love on Her Arms day comes around, why pass up the opportunity to possibly save someone's life?
I'm just saying that if you are going to wear the shirts and write on your arms, know what you're talking about or don't do it at all.

BF vs. BFF

"You're better off without him, don't worry."
I was getting books out of my locker when a girl I barely talk to said this to me, then left. I just stood there like....what? Facebook is an interesting thing, and it's really good especially at letting the world know when relationships start and end.
Fortunately or Unfortunately, mine ended.
What's interesting to me is that everyone all of the sudden thinks they know me and they know my ex boyfriend and they know exactly how I feel. What was really interesting was this comment made by a girl I don't speak to. How would you know if I'm better off without him? You've never met him, you have no idea. What if he's better off without me? Everyone automatically assumes I'm the vitctim, I'm devestated, I'm desperate to do things different, I'm lonely and regretful. Well, nosy world, I am none of the above. I'm not the victim. I'm not the abused or neglected, and I have not be wronged against. I've realized that things happen, and the best you can do is learn from it, and do it in a gentle fashion, which is something I struggled with and probably failed. My only regret is letting my emotions get the best of me. But, then again, I learned.
I've also been getting numerous people coming up to me and asking what happened, wanting to know all of the 'dirt' on the break-up. Well, this is not a tabloid and I'm not a celebrity and there is no 'dirt' in most average break-ups.
I think that lots of times, people just grow apart without realizing. I don't regret much, because I've learned a lot about myself and about what I need to look out for. My advice is to appreciate friendships and understand that being 'just friends' is a great thing, despite popular belief.
I like it when I see girls and guys as best friends on tv or movies or day to day life. I think it appeals to me because it's someone to protect you, to care about you and to have fun with you. I've always wanted a figure like that, like an older brother or something. I, like most girls, want to feel protected and loved. Sometimes relationships just aren't the best way to get that.

Stupid Chick Flicks

I think that chick flicks are meant to give us unrealistic and sometimes unfair expectations of guys. For example, you can't expect every boyfriend you have to come running through the boarding gates at the airport and apologize and say they love you. That just doesn't happen. First of all, they would get tackled by security, and second, no one puts in that much effort. Every girl wants a guy that will throw rocks at their window and leave a rose petal trail to a candlelit dinner, but is it really logical to think this way? Guys are just as busy as girls are, and no one has the time to plan all of this out and succeed in doing so.
At the same time, it's kind of sad. I wish that it was more realistic for guys to go out of their way to get a smile from their girl. It's a totally unfair ideal, but it's all we've ever been shown. In every chick flick- which are favorites of the female population- there is a girl and a guy who go through a struggle, girl gets angry, and guy does some wonderous act to make her not angry. Then happy ever after.
I just wanna know, what happens the next time they get in a fight? Is he supposed to write her name in the sky every time they argue? Should she expect a love note on her pillow after each altercation? Of course not. That's just not practical. I do think that there is some sort of in between, however. For example, my sister's ex boyfriend used to send her cute good morning texts and messages on her computer about how he was up and just thinking about her and wanted to let her know. I think that's better than having your name written in the sky.
While it's wonderful, I don't think it is a necessity to have all of these lavish gestures given unto women. I think that the nicest things are the little things that come from the heart, like just telling your girl that you care.

Love Is The Movement.

It’s not our job to make everyone believe. Christians aren’t supposed to go to everyone and say hey you, believe in God because he died for you. If you are asked or you feel lead or if you are in a position to defend your faith, by all means speak of Him and His love. But you cannot go and shove your beliefs down people’s throats. Your job, as Christians, is to love as God loves us, and be a light so that people can see God shining through you. You’re supposed to take people and love and accept them.
You cannot go to a prostitute and turn up your nose at them and say they are a bad person because you are no better than them. You are smearing the name of God by rejecting these people, His people. Christians need to learn to love. We are so afraid of what is different from us, because we are afraid of challenges. We cannot give up on people who are gay or people who drink and have sex, we need to love them. We need to go to these people and say what you are doing is wrong, but you are loved. We need to let them know that they have a home in Jesus and a friendship in us and in the church. They need to know they are safe from the judgment of man.
It just bothers me sometimes that Christians preach fairness and not to judge, when we are the most judgmental of them all. Who are we to look at people and judge their actions? We can recognize the difference between right and wrong, but I am not the King of the earth, and so I don’t have the authority or the knowledge to judge my brothers and sisters. Don’t look down on me when I curse, because that is something I struggle with, which is between the Lord and me. Go ahead and tell me that it is wrong in a loving and gentle manner, because that is what is great worth in God’s eyes. But do not think of me as less of a Christian because I am human and I am struggling just as the rest of the world is.
People, just learn to love. Learn to blind yourselves to the dirtiness and ugliness of people, and reach out to them, because that is what is going to reveal the light of Jesus.

My God, What A World You Love.

I’m alone.
I’m not supposed to be, but I am.
I said I would never give in, never back down,
But I’ve surrendered long ago.
I fear the glass that shows the unknown me,
Only the tainted can see what I see
Only the broken can really know me
For I am the worst of them all
I was the first to fall
After claiming solid foundation
I’ve been breaking since creation
You said you would give me wings
And I believe you did at one point, my King
But they’ve been put away for so long
They’ve been used so incessantly wrong
So I’ve been hiding from the light
Because the sun is much too bright
Your love is
Much
Too
Bright.
And I’m ashamed to be seen at all sides
I’m ashamed to be living this lie
I don’t want you to see what is brewing inside of me
My smoky black insides are clogging up my heart
Drowning my poor heart
And I’m afraid my wings don’t work any more
I’m afraid my heart is much too sore
And my shoulders too weak to soar.
But maybe
Just maybe
Could you lift them?
Could you give me a running start?
Because maybe then we could jump start my heart
My heart and wings would both be a part
Of one person.
No double sided mirrors
No smoky black inside and painted pink outsides
Maybe then I’d be the real deal
Maybe then I’d be able to feel
And maybe then, just maybe
I could come home.

Swine Oh Nine

I will not get a flu shot, thank you. I've been told I'm stupid for not wanting one, but I think that's unfair to say. Every single time i've ever gotten the flu shot, I've gotten the flu. So I'm going to try not having the flu shot this year and see how that goes. And plus, I realize that what happened with Desiree Jennings is extremely rare like one in a million chance or something, but what if I'm that one? Vaccinations have potential for danger when they are new. I've already had swine flu, so I don't see a real need for a shot. Unnecessary danger for myself. So that is why I am not getting one. If you are so concerned of the fact that I refuse this, then get one yourself and leave me alone.