Yet Another Anxiety-Fueled Rant.

It's sad, how some things get less exciting as you get older. For example, going to a concert and meeting the band used to be the highlight of my week, but now it's just cool. Like, I really enjoy meeting the bands that I meet, but it's more like meeting any ordinary person. These people are just people, they don't hold the same special magic that they used to when I was young. Yet another example of my distaste towards change.
Things like going to high school football games and the movies and out to dinner used to be so special. What happened? I'm the kind of person who gets excited over little things, but even bigger things have lost their luster to me. Why have I changed? I don't recall giving myself permission to grow up. To change. I wish sometimes that I was still that little girl sitting in the car on the way to the skating rink, radiating excitement. I remember being a freshman and seeing my sister, a senior, and just soaking in how cool i thought she was. I was so excited to be a senior. But now that I am, I wish I had more time. I wish I wasn't being rushed to make up my mind about my life. I wish I was still excited about being a senior.
The problem is I get my hopes up. I put great things like being a senior and prom and having a boyfriend on pedestals, and then I realize they weren't the magical wonderful thing I had expected. I remember being so excited to start driving, and once I got around to getting my license I was just glad to have a way of getting to work. It's just weird to think about.
I was walking in the hallway with my friend Becca yesterday, and it kind of just hit me. We're seniors. This is it. There is no more high school after this, and I might never see Becca or most of the other people in my class again. It's just weird. We all have to move on, whether we're ready or not. I think I'll be ready. It's scary now, but I've still got seven months to get over it.