Sorry To Disappoint...

Okay, so I know this is a total letdown, but I'm not getting a tattoo anymore. I actually couldn't sleep a few nights ago because I kept thinking about this tattoo and if I really wanted it and if it would be worth it and I realized that if I was having doubts, I shouldn't go through with it. I also like the idea of having a clean body, the way God made me, without ink. I still love tattoos and I'm not against them in general, they're just not right for me.
But the plus side is my mom might take my appointment, so at least it won't be a waste :)

The Sun Will Govern The Day, And The Moon And Stars The Night.

Okay here's my explanation of my tattoo that I have yet to get. The sun and the moon that is pictured on my blog page at the moment is a rough sketch of what I would like. I've always thought of my sister and I as the sun and the moon. The concept of the sun and the moon both being necessary for life and opposite yet similar creations has always interested me. The sun and the moon are, in my opinion, some of the most miraculous and beautiful creations ever. I read a poem once that spoke of sister sun being the light to lead her little sister moon, and sister moon always looked up to the sun and loved her for showing her to way and being the light to inspire her. I think of my sister like that. You'd probably understand why she's the sun if you knew her. She's just shiny. She's really friendly and bubbly and she's got this feeling about her that can't be described other than joy. Shiny. So that's what I think of. I think of myself as the moon. The moon is beautiful too, but very different from the sun. More reserved, more quiet and reflective. But both are necessary, it's like two halves that come together and make the world complete.
So yes, that is why I want to carry the sun and the moon with me always.

No Cookies For You, Airline Pilots!

So the airline near my area is on strike. Awesome. My gradnparents and uncle are supposed to be flying in on that airline on friday for my graduation. But, since the pilots want to get paid more, the flight will most likely be cancelled and my grandparents will miss their last graduation ceremony, as my older sister and I are their only grandkids. I just feel bad for them, cause they're really worried. I feel like the pilots are just being silly. This is a discounted airline, so a person needs to know that when they go in for the job, that they won't get paid as much as bigger airlines. If the pilots are paid more, the tickets will be more expensive and they won't be a discounted airline. I want to call someone, one of the pilots on strike. I want to tell them that this friday means a whole lot to my grandparents and it would be really great if they could get over their issues until the summer or something. I don't know what their issue is specifically, other than that they want a pay increase. But it seems like they're just having a hissy fit. It's like when I tell my kids at work they can't have a cookie and they get all huffy and refuse to do their homework until they get a cookie. And quite frankly, that doesn't make the situation any better for them because that just makes me want to throw away all of the cookies.
But anyways, I really hope that this gets resolved soon.

You Are My Joy.

I think recently I've realized that life really isn't easy. The problems and the pain don't just fade away. You need something to take it out of your life. Last night I got home from work, went into my backyard and laid down on my trampoline. As I sat there and stared at the sky, I was thinking of all of the bad stuff happening and all of the pain in my life, and how I was ever going to get back to the joy I lost along the way. Then I started to think about a praise song that I love so much, and as the wind blew the hair out of my face, I felt the lyrics running through me.

"He is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane, and I am a tree bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy. And all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory, and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me."
-How He Loves by David Crowder Band

I feel better today. I think sometimes I just need to remember how powerful the love of Jesus is and how easily he can heal.

You are my joy.

I've Got My Memories, Always Inside Of Me.

So tomorrow I leave for a weekend at the shore with my youth group. This 'LBI weekend' has been a vacation that I have participated in since I was fourteen, I believe. And now that I am seventeen and graduating, this is my last LBI weekend. I've had so many great memories: the classic mini golf photo we take every year, lasagna in the trees, climbing on roofs, football on the beach, tearful conversations, sun burn, nail polish, and m&m pancakes. One of my favorite memories is sitting on the deck in the dark with my friends, cuddled in oversized sleeping bags, watching the waves and smelling the sea breeze. I couldn't even tell you what we talked about that night, but I remember thinking how much I love my friends and I love those moments. I look forward to this weekend every year, because I love the escape from the real world, enjoying it with the same people that I have enjoyed it with for the past four years. The house is the same, the beach is the same, the activites are the same, but we are so different. And this is my last, as well as two other boys in my group that are graduating. I've decided that in order to combat the little time we will be there I will not sleep, and instead enjoy every second of listening to the ocean that I cannot see over the sand dunes and darkness of the starry night.

Heather

I miss my sister. It's strange sometimes to not be able to go to her room and watch her do her hair and listen to her music. She's really busy and so am I, but I think that almost makes it worse. So much is happening to both of us and we can't catch up. And it sucks when she comes home sometimes cause she loves her life so much in Nashville, and she doesn't like being home. But I like her being home. She's coming to my graduation in two weeks, and I'm really excited to see her. She's cool. You'd like her.

Gone With The Wind.

I watched 'Gone With The Wind' a few days ago with my mom for the first time. First of all, I had no idea that it was four hours long. Second of all, it was absolutely not worth those four hours. My mom roped me into watching it by saying I would love it because it's a chick flick and it's a classic and all that nonsense, but it was a lie! Chick flicks are when two people fall in love and then some type of conflict challenges their relationship but eventually brings them closer than ever. Like, love, happy ending. Boom boom boom. This movie was about some snobby rich girl that married a bunch of people she didn't love because the man she thought she loved was already married and then everyone dies. It was terrible. She got married to her first husband because she was angry that the man she loved was engaged, and then her husband died in battle. Then she loses everything during the civil war (she lived in the south) and she becomes really poor and starving and all the while she's taking care of the wife of the man she loves for some reason. And then she marries her sister's boyfriend because he's the only one with money. And then that man dies trying to defend her and she doesn't even care. And all the while there is Clark Gable pining for this girl and he actually loves her and so she agrees to marry him because he gives her back her luxurious lifestyle, and she still is in love with Ashley, the man from the beginning. And so then the girl has a daughter with Clark Gable and he adores his daughter and his wife, but realizes that his wife still loves Ashley and not him. So then he leaves for Paris with his daughter, and when he comes back he finds out that the girl is pregnant again with his child and he tells her something like he hopes she has an accident because he's still mad at her and then she falls down the stairs and the baby dies and she gets really sick. And then a while later he goes to apologize cause he feels really bad and their daughter then falls off her horse and breaks her neck and dies right in front of them. So after all this, the girl realizes that she is in fact in love with Clark Gable...and what does he do? He leaves her. After everything they had been through and they were so in love and struggled so much together, he freaking left her. I mean, I don't really blame him cause the woman is nuts and strung him along far too long, but still.
Like, I'm losing sleep over this stupid movie. I just can't stop thinking about how depressing it was. It was like four hours of never ending problems and death and broken hearts. I feel really bad for Clark Gable. I mean, he didn't even want to get married before he met the girl. He loved her that much that he changed his life plans and married her and had a daughter, and then he lost it all and was left with nothing, right back where he started. Except he was so screwed up afterwards because the girl basically sucked the life out of him. It was just really sad. He was such a good father. Things like that shouldn't happen to good fathers. or to anyone, really. Ugh, I just can't stop thinking about this stupid movie.