Hold On Child, Hold On, The Good King Is Near.

"My Princess Warrior,

It is time, My Warrior, to surrender your fears, your insecurities, your pain, and your loved ones completely to Me. I want your whole heart and mind and soul to be worry free. I want your complete trust so you can focus on your faith and be free from the spirit of fear controlling you. Give up the fight of trying to figure it all out. Don't let your circumstances hold your heart hostage or cause you to lose your confidence in Me. I am asking you on this day to answer this one question: In whom do you place your trust?

Love, your trustworthy King"

God is good. I'm leaving for college in five days, and it's exciting and scary and just crazy. Everything is in motion, and it's kind of freaking me out. In a time when I am so unsure and worried and afraid, I open my devotional book to this particular letter. God is here, and He hears my prayers and concerns.

Farewell, Seventeen.

So it's around midnight and I've gotten to thinking. My birthday is tomorrow, I'm going to be eighteen. I've been thinking about the past eighteen years and everything that's happened in even the past year. Unfortunately when I look back on the last year, the things that jump out the most are the bad things. I think of all the things that I had set out to do, all the promises I've broken, all the people I hurt, all the things I said I would never do that I did. And then i got to thinking, how did I get here? How did I get to the be the exact person I swore I'd never become? I have so many bad habits and heavy memories that I'm lugging around with me, and it's weighing me down. Well, no more. I'm realizing that I am not that person, I'm not who I was even yesterday. I'm not going to carry my past with me anymore. I am new, and I am redeemed.

But it can't be that simple, can it? I mean people are only human and we fall and if everyone has problems and bad memories, how can some people just let it go and be happy? How is it that some people succeed and some succumb? How is it that some people can just take a statement like 'everything happens for a reason' and just be satisfied. I'm not satisfied. I'm not content with fuzzy dull answers. I want to question everything, I want to get to the bottom of things. I want to be so sure that I am who I say I am, so much so that I can feel it in my heart. I want to be connected, to be passionate, to be on fire for everything.

This is the time, I suppose, to find out who we are in this world. Or maybe that's the thing. Maybe we're trying to hard to be a part of this world when we were never made to fit into this place. I don't really know. I feel fake. I feel as though I try to suppress who I am and how I feel in order to fit in to a group or a category or church or school. When really, I'm not too sure about anything. I don't know what I believe or how I feel or who I am.

All I know is that when I worship my God of the universe, everything melts away and i feel a fire inside of me, a passion. And then I'm satisfied.