To Leap, or Maybe Just to Hop.

I miss my sister. The whole going away for college thing seems really nice and exciting until you realize how much you're giving up. My sister gave up being in my life. It sounds cruel and horrible, but it's not intentional and it comes with having your own life. Sure, we talk on the phone and send each other pictures and such, but we are still severely separate. She doesn't know how I like to wear my hair lately or how my eyes light up when I talk about my boyfriend. She can't see that because she's not here.
Fourteen hours away is a long time. She's studying in the south, and she's having all of these great experiences and she's got awesome friends and a great life and I just wish I was part of it. I wish I could tell you what her favorite shirt is or where she likes to get her coffee or even what she plans to do after college. I just don't know. When we do come up with the time to catch up over the phone, we talk about what happened this weekend, what happened today. We try our best to update each other so that we can feel like we're connected. But it's hard to maintain a connection while being so far away.
She's still my sister and nothing will ever take away the fact that I love her and she's my best friend, it's just difficult sometimes when I know that talking to her will make me feel better, but I don't have the time to make a phone call or if she can't answer my call. At what point do we determine whether our busy successful lives outweigh or closeness? I'm not saying she needs to hop a plane and come see me all the time, and I'm not even saying anything needs to change. I'm just saying the way life works is rough sometimes, and it makes me rethink my own life.
Do I really want to go away for school? Do I really want to leave my friends behind? Am I willing to allow my busy, successful college life to override my bonds with the people I care about? I don't know. I don't know if going away is worth not seeing my best friend for months at a time. I also don't know if I'm willing to be that much further still from my sister. I don't know if I want my own life.
I realize that it's common to be nervous about school, as I've written about a few times already, I just feel like it's necessary to voice my anxieties in the hopes that i'll be more comfortable after I get them out. I think that there's got to be something good about college to make it worth it, because right now I don;t even want to go. I'm just holding on to the feeling I had when I visited my top school, and forgetting all of the nervousness. It'll work out, I know this. Not because I want it to or because I'm hoping it will. But because it has to. I'm risking a whole lot for this nonsense college business, so the least it can do is be good to me.