College or Bust

College. Ugh. I realize it's supposed to be like the 'Greates Years of Your Life', but I still don't feel like dealing with the decisions. So many decisions. I don't know what I want to be, what I want to do. I know what college I want to go to, and what major sounds good, but I have no idea what I'll do when I get there. I'd rather just let someone else make all the decisions and make the best of it.
My friend asked me earlier today what college she should apply to. "Rutgers, or Temple?" she asked me.
"Temple," I replied lazilly, reading an article on the computer. After agreeing and fishing through her application papers, she began to laugh.
"It's like the rest of my life," she told me, "and I'm picking it like it's candy."
It just got me thinking, what's the point? No one wants to deal with these decisions, very few are really ready to make decisions, yet we have no choice. It's easier to just pick this or that, and never look back. But of course, that is not the realistic way of thinking. Right now I have two college choices. Two. My school guidance counselor looked like she was about to pass out when I told her I 'only have two choices'. The truth is, I don't want to think about college, because it makes me sad. I have no desire to grow up and leave all of my friends and family. I don't want that. It's not even like I'm growing up to anything that is worth having. Bills, mortgage, long work days, sleepy eyes.
I worked from 8am to 5pm yesterday, which only happens about four or so times during the school year, and I hated it. I constantly looked at my watch and couldn't wait to just get out. I kept imagining what I could be doing. Cleaning my car, buying much needed winter clothes, studying my spanish terms, or even relaxing with my boyfriend. It's so rare lately that I get to sit and relax. When I complained to my mom, she handed out a very non-sympathetic statement: 'Get used to it.'
What if I don't want to get used to it? What if I want to sit and home and watch movies for a change, instead of studying or working, both of which are necessary for me to go to college, which is apparently necessary for life. I hate that. i hate that I can't amount to anything if I don't go to college. Don't get me wrong, I want to go to college. I do. But not yet. Everyone is always telling me oh, you're a writer, you want to be a journalist, right? Wrong. Yes, I will tell you I want to be a journalist because it sounds good and there's a major for it. But I don't want to spend every day at a desk writing about politics and the economy and other things that don't interest me.
I can't go so far away for nothing, when I'm leaving my friends and my family and every bit of my heart behind. So it's going to have to be something, this college experience. I guess the best thing to do is take the leap, and hope that there will be someone to catch you.